Yesterday was hard. Really, really hard. It was Father’s Day. I find Father’s Day the most awkward of the year as a single mom. At church, everyone is celebrating and making gifts for their Dads. I have to muster up my most enthusiastic voice to say something like “Awww, your Papa (Grandpa) will love that!”. I try not to let the disappointment I feel for my children shine through and that takes a lot of pretending.
I made a valiant effort to not check my social media as I know I’m prone to feelings of jealousy when I see my friends with a “complete” family. That is hard to admit but it is the truth and I do my best to flee from that temptation.
At night, I sat down worn out from the emotions of the day and opened my Bible. I prayed to my God and told Him everything. I told Him that I felt like I was failing my kids, that I don’t feel equipped to lead my family. I told him he must be so disappointed in me because I’ve been impatient with my children, no doubt stemming from the root of inadequacy I’ve been watering lately.
You know what I felt from the Lord as I poured out my weary heart to Him? I didn’t hear the condemnation I was sure I deserved. I didn’t hear the harsh words I was expecting. I heard “I love you, dear child. You are doing great. I am pleased with you”. The amount of tears that hit my table in that moment could have filled a small river.
It didn’t stop there. I woke up around 3 am still so sad. I started thinking about what was actually going on, why I am feeling so defeated and alone? I realized that it’s been a long while since I’ve been in a Bible study or consistent small group. I do run a single mom’s small group and that is SO life giving. But I’m in more of a support position there. It’s wrong, but I don’t always feel comfortable going to the group with my hard struggles since I know they have plenty of their own. I am a member of another small group but, because it’s hard for me to get someone to watch my children, I often miss that one. I realized in the middle of the night that I am in desperate need of fellowship and Christian support. I love to encourage and build up others, but sometimes I need it done for me.
In that dark hour, I heard the Lord telling me to reach out to my Church. Ask to talk to someone. I don’t have to do this alone.
I also searched the word “isolation” into my Youversion Bible App and started the first plan that popped up. It is called Divorce Recovery for Women and you know what God did? He showed me that every single thing I was feeling was NORMAL! I have never felt so validated and cared about in my life after listening to the plan’s first devotion. I realized that I’m not a bad mom for having these thoughts and feelings. I am in fact in a power position because God tells me in His word that “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10.
I am incredibly weak but God does not leave me there to toil on my own. No, He is a faithful God. Within 5 hours of crying out to God, He had spoken to my broken heart, filled me with hope and peace, and given me an action plan to facilitate healing. That, my friends, is a God worth worshiping and telling the broken world about!
He does this for all His children. We who are willing to come before our God Almighty, to ask for forgiveness and strength will receive a good answer. “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8.
Single-Mom Sisters, let’s not forget the great power we have in our Lord Jesus Christ. Let us be women of prayer and of the Word. And together we can sing Hallelujah as our wonderful, loving Father answers our every cry!
Happy Father’s Day to the best Daddy out there, Yahweh!